Love, Life & Family: Discussing Important Issues With A Spouse

June 19, 2021
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Effective nuptial communication is one of the topics people come to me the most for, often asking how to tell/complain about an important issue to the spouse.

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This is not surprising given the important nature of it to relationships and unions. A couple with very good communication and connection can resolve most of the issues marriages face today from inadequate intimacy to care, infidelity, even financial management and more.

So, how does one discuss with the spouse?

There are different things for you to consider.

What do I want to say?

Many struggle to talk because they have not even tried to form the conversation and idea with themselves. If you don’t know what you want to say and how you want to say it, actually saying it will be an issue and you may struggle with it.

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Now that you know what you want to say, is it something you should be saying?

For instance, are you about to say something inappropriate? If you suspect so, you should also reconsider on whether to say it at all. Worst case being to make it appropriate.

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Beyond these, many struggle because they cannot reveal how they came about the information. If for example, you hack a person’s device and account and get an information there you want to speak about, you’d first need to explain how you got said information in the first place. Many find speaking up awkward for this reason. Make sure your source is one presentable else you’d be frustrated with not being able to speak up on that which you believe you should.

Even when the above is all good, many still struggle to talk. This can be due to their individual nature and character.

Not everyone is bold and confrontational so a lot of issues just get swept away. For them, the idea would be to find alternative ways to talking that are less confrontational yet equally effective.

There is also the nature of your spouse. If you have a bully, narcissist or manipulator at hand, for example, you would need to up your own communication skills else, the conversation would end in an argument that would lead nowhere, lead to more heat or lead to you being at fault. Unfortunately, because you would be working with emotions and without the conversational skill set to handle it, you’d keep calling victim to it.

These are just a few points listed, there are several more. In the end, this is a very massive but important topic to marriage and indeed beyond.

I teach people the art of effective nuptial communication and that can be a place for you to start but even that will not be enough if your mind is not set to it. It begins with you and the desire to get better.

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